Bad Operators, Good Deals

Give 'er a gold medal cuz this week's email has it all.

Hola Goofenbachers,

I just got the email that our mags are officially printed and on the way to our house. I tried to brow beat them into getting them to us before the upcoming weekend, but I guess y’all will have to shine on a little longer. It is good news for one reason though: For one more week we will offer free shipping using Code: TWIPPY for every order of the Issue 1 + Issue 4 bundle.

Get two magazines, a couple extras, and pay exactly Zero-ninety-nine for shipping right to your hot little hands. Sound too good to be true? Wake up, you idiot. This is reality! Sorry about the idiot thing, we’re just this pumped. SO ORDER.

What do we have cooking this week? Well, it was gonna be something real special, but it’s taking me a bit longer to get it together. TRUST it’s gonna be worth it. So instead, we’re gonna pivot and show y’all how to deal with BAD OPERATORS. Here’s what to do when you just can’t deal with the BS anymore.

Bad Operator: How to identify, isolate, and charm rogue pinball providers

Operators rule. We’re huge fans of operators over here. Stop operator hate. Stop operator-on-operator crime, etc. Any way you slice it, we dig y’all. So let’s just start there -- but sometimes y’all fuck up. That’s OK. I fuck up at my job sometimes too. That said, we thought there may be something to learn here on both sides of the pinball renter/rentee relationship. And through that dialogue, maybe, just maybe, we can begin to see ourselves in the other… And also, in the meantime we’d have some fuckin’ deadpools on location that actually work for once. 

For the uninitiated, what do we mean by operator? A pinball operator is someone who owns pinball machines and provides them to locations like bowling alleys and pizza places and any other place a dirtball like you would hang out. Typically, the operator gets the business, which is awesome for them -- and the pizza place gets, again, dirtballs like you hanging out and buying pizza slices and whatnot (another good reason to tip well. Give pinballers a good name, and maybe we’ll see more and more machines pop up. Plus, like, it’s the right thing to do.) 

Wondering if you should call? Use the Nudge rule: If it’s a game changer, give ‘em a holler. If not, play the dollar
(IDK dude, it had to rhyme) 

Operators are the ones who service the machines. Typically, they’ll leave a sticker or decal or something to let players know how to get ahold of them in case something on the machine breaks. Whether that number actually means you’ll get ahold of someone is really anyone’s guess. Honestly. Sometimes you’ll wonder if this is just some psy ops experiment. Sometimes I feel like all the calls just go to the same place -- some random relay station in Kandahar, where the wind whips desert winds into some lil’ threadbare room where there’s this guy calmly sitting on a cot, not answering the phone, just hearing it ring off the hook and laughing at all our silly pinball complaints. 

So that begs the question: What constitutes a good reason to call an operator? As a general rule of thumb, Nudge suggests YOU ONLY CALL AN OPERATOR IF IT’S A GAME CHANGING BREAK. So, if you can’t get a multiball, start/complete a mode, or get a multiplier -- then you should call. If not, just play on and chalk it up to the “personality” of the machine. It’s idiosyncratic. Just like your sister’s hemp business.

What’s a good example of stuff you SHOULDN’T call about? Well, we have a Cactus Canyon in these parts that has a glitch that keeps your combos going to an insane degree. That’s a good one to NOT call about. Or a Mandalorian that doesn’t hold the ball at the start of a multiball. Sure it’s a pain, but it’s also not a callable offense. 

But let’s say that you can’t initiate a ball look on the same Cactus canyon, or the gate won’t open on Medieval Madness. In that case, you should call. And like actually do it. Be proactive, you yutz.

You don’t get to complain unless you’ve already tried to call

Look, I’m a huge complainer. I love to do it, and everyone in my life pretty much hates that about me. But I’m just saying get it! Love a good complaint sesh! You and the homies just talking shit. Love it!

Here’s the thing, if you haven’t tried calling the operator first and letting them know they have a problem, then you actually don’t have a right to complain to your friends about that operator’s machine. After all, some of these folks have their machines placed at a dozen locations, they need y’all to act as the playtesters. Those machines might not be looked at more than once a month otherwise. And even then, it’s unlikely that they’re playing more than a game or two. Sometimes not enough time to diagnose a problem!

Don’t just assume someone else will call. It makes you look like a child. Nut up and talk to a human being on the phone. Hell, maybe you’ll bond and it’ll be the start of an unlikely friendship. You, the fun pinball deadbeat with lots of streetwise savvy. Them, the unlucky in love pinball player. Along the way you’ll have all kinds of crazy hijinks and eventually learn the true meaning of friendship. Plus, maybe they’ll let you come over and play their pinball machines. 

What constitutes a bad pinball operator?

IN GENERAL, it’s pretty simple: a bad operator is someone who doesn’t keep their machines in working order. That’s not to say there aren’t exceptions. Life happens. We get it. But if a machine isn’t in good working order after you’ve called, and given them a couple weeks. Welp, that’s bad news. Especially cuz a lot of us folks who are on-location goofenbachers use this as some kinda escape from the normal drudgery of our day-to-day lives: when the machines don’t work, it makes our lives suck. I’m not exaggerating. If I can’t play BKSOR, my life actually sucks. I realize what this says about me, but chrissake, buddy -- look what website you’re on. 

How to be charming to pinball operators

Enough about me. Here’s some good news: bad pinball operators can become good ones. Especially if you have reasonable expectations, clear communication, and, as always, grease them wheels, baby. Here’s what to do and who to pay.

First. Give them a call. Make it short and succinct. 

It’s that simple. “Hey y’all, just wanted to let you know BLANK isn’t working on BLANK at NAME OF LOCATION. Thought you’d appreciate the heads up. Thanks, love playing it!” 

That’s it. OK? Short and sweet. Then wait. Maybe two weeks minimum. If it still isn’t fixed.

Then the follow-up call. Make a joke about yourself and remind them about the problem

“Hey y’all just calling to let you know that BLANK still isn’t working on BLANK. Hoping y’all can get to fix that real soon because I’m a big old pinball freak and papa needs his pinball.” 

You know? Something chill like that. Point being, don’t act like a self-entitled jerk. Operators are putting their own machines out there, sometimes for tens of thousands of dollars. That’s wild. They don’t need some pissant being a goon on the phone because TOTAN wasn’t working or whatever. Just keep it light, fun, and moving. Another move is to let the bar know, like the manager. Sure you look like a Karen, but having a manager or restaurant owner call an operator can sometimes carry more weight. Just let them know that it’s broken. That simple. 

Let go. Or offer them cash. Or booze or whatever.

If it still isn’t fixed and it’s been a while, you’ve contacted the management, and it STILL isn’t getting fixed -- then I’m sorry, but you’re gonna have to move on. Don’t think about what you don’t have, think about the great times you did have -- back when Godzilla could initiate a kaiju battle and the balls didn’t get stuck in the scoop. Sniff. Kinda brings a tear to your eye. 

That said, you can always bribe them. Maybe the owners will change operators if you slip them a twenty? Wait for the operator to come in and buy him a drink? I dunno, be creative. Just don’t pop out too fast and scare them. That kinda move freaks people out, man.

Next Week? Love at the arcade

That’s right. We’re bringing romance into it. Just try not to make too much eye contact. It’s overstimulating. See you then, knuckleheads.

Doc Monday

Editor in Chief, Nudge Magazine