People get weird on the internet

Ever try and buy something from a stranger? Why's it gotta be like that?

Jan 20, 2022

Hey Nudgers,

This week, we’re exploring some nasty, nasty stuff: pinball marketplaces and hardcore music. Do you like that? It doesn’t matter. Like the inevitability of death, it’s coming either way. But isn’t it better to go through life with an open heart? Open to new experiences, new adventures, new hopes? Yeah, you’re right. It’s not. Still, this stuff is gonna change your life.

What’s new on the Nudge side of things? The print issue continues to take shape. We’re making fun merch (the first t-shirt design is being finalized now!) and learning a lot about each other. Mostly what we’re learning is that we’re all stoner slackers, but by god we are trying our best. That’s all you can ask for in this old world. So here goes. Let’s start with some music.

MATT KEIL TAKES OVER THE NUDGE PLAYLIST

Matt Keil is a helluva musician in his own right. I’m gonna say that because he’s too modest not to. He’s played music on like every continent (I don’t count antarctica because it’s getting all melty), sells a billion records in his bands, and is just, like, talented.

He’s also fluent in music that I know very little about: Hardcore. Hardcore is one of those types of music that scared me at first, but now it gets me pumped, kinda like a Giannis free throw. What does this have to do with pinball? I’m glad you asked.

SOMETIMES IN PINBALL YOU HAVE TO GET MAD AT THE MACHINE. Nudge it, tilt it, do what you need. If it’s not doing you right, you gotta smack it around a little. That can be hard for folks who just don’t have a lot of what our scientists call “gumption”.

Hardcore music gets you gumption. You ready for your gumption injection? Here’s a snippet:

Who are you?

Hello it’s me, Matt K. I am the OFFICIAL MUSIC REVIEWER of Nudge, which makes me the staff member most likely to be kidnapped and carved into pieces over my terrible opinions. The only thing people love more than music is their own taste in music. They love getting high on their own ass fumes and arguing with others online who disagree. You know who has great taste? Me. So I’m bringing you with me on a journey. Would you like to join me in the sweaty basements and VFW halls of planet Earth to enjoy some of the finest hardcore punk our species has to offer? Do you have what it takes to deal with the violent dancing and stench of the most oafish music fans possible? While admiring the art of the most tenuously employed musicians possible? Let’s go.

What’s on the playlist?

At the heart of the matter, good hardcore punk should compel one to skate, and skate with reckless abandon. If my beautiful soul didn’t currently occupy the body of a little fucked up old guy, this playlist would have me bombing hills. Unfortunately, I have a very high insurance deductible, so that’s not possible. But you know what is just as exciting and athletic as skateboarding? That’s right, pinball. Put this in your ears and hit the tables. This playlist has a wingspan, folks. From the earliest dawn of the genre to modern day bangers. From Scandinavia to California. I put the word new in quotation marks earlier because I absorb music at a snail’s pace, so what’s considered new to these old ears might in fact be “washed,” or even “cringe” to you young people.

READ (and listen) TO NUDGE VOLUME IV

Did you ever have to go pick up something you bought off the internet and immediately feel weird about it? Us too. Turns out we aren’t alone. How NOT alone are we? Check out all the wild and weird stuff that happens to other folks when they buy pinball machines online…

The secondary pinball market is absolutely fuckin’ cookin’ right now -- and if it’s anything like my cooking that means it’s overly stinky, potentially very bad for you, and a lil’ scary.

It also means that whether you’re looking for a beat-up old Lethal Weapon 3 or a vintage Al’s Garage Band Goes on Tour, you’re gonna be going deep into the bowels of the internet. Unless you have a cool distro guy (shouts to Zach Meny and Flip n Out Pinball) you’re going to be combing Facebook marketplace and Pinside (maybe Craigslist if you’re an especially big weirdo) for the next pin to complete your basement arcade. So what’s the problem? Life is the problem.

As with anything on the internet, when you meet the folks behind the screen in real life sometimes things get, well, weird. In fact, things often get WAY weird -- and at a way faster pace than you ever could have imagined. Without further ado, these are TRUE stories from the dusty, forgotten places -- where a person will brave a potential serial killer’s spider trap just so they can own an 8 Ball Deluxe for four thousand dollars. Is it worth it? If the pin is good enough, then hell yes…

These were short and sweet, but I wanted a place to put them because they’re also fucked up. Enjoy the fuckedupedness! Let’s start with dog erections!

This happened to a friend of mine when he went to buy an Andromeda by Gameplan. The seller had framed pictures of dogs with their red rockets exposed hanging around the house! He (and his wife) wanted the game, so they powered thru and loaded up the game as fast as possible.

What do you do in this situation? You want the game, but the art is weird. I guess we got our answer. Keep your head down, pretend like nothing is happening, and if you absolutely need to leave just start screaming at the top of your lungs. Coincidentally this technique also worked to get me out of adult swimming lessons for like three weeks in a row. Eventually, the lifeguard caught on, but for a brief window of time, it was bliss. OK, now let’s bring on the incest!

One time I sold a travel trailer to a really creepy couple. The guy introduced the woman as his aunt, and said they would be traveling together in this tiny trailer. I believe the part about it being his Aunt, but it also seemed pretty obvious that the nature of their relationship was more than "aunt & nephew" if you know what I mean.

While not strictly a pinball story, I think it’s pinball adjacent enough to count. I’m not totally surprised by this. I mean, who hasn’t fantasized about buying a tiny trailer on Craigslist and traveling the world in a whirlwind romance with their aunt? Right? I was gonna make a joke about the south and incest, but you know what? We’re open-minded at Nudge. Incest is NOT a southern thing! I’m sure there are plenty of folks in Baltimore and the Pacific Northwest and such who like incest too. See? Progressive! On to the good news. The next one is a cheery tale from Harlan on Facebook

I actually sold my first pin and we became good friends. He lives close and his family is so amazing they lent me a TMNT Premium which is still at my house. Not a horror story but a great one.

While I admire the bonhomie and good-naturedness of this -- I’m just gonna say that a TMNT premium isn’t a gift. IT’S A CURSE. That game is brutal, my guy. Even as a self-described diverter dude, I just can’t figure out how to be good at this game. Maybe this guy is your friend, but then again maybe he wants to drive you insane after you can’t hit the Raphael training shot for the millionth time. Think about it. If he ever checks in on your mental health, you’ll know.

And honestly guys, this is just the tip of the iceberg. We had over 25 stories come in the last week. Stay tuned in the coming months for more horror, debauchery, and pinball haggling!

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