Something old, something new. Something toxic, something spew.

Mayhem, pinball, and a whole lotta joblessness!!!

Hola Goofenbachers,

I’m gonna be real with you right off the bat: no new article this week. I could give you a lot of reasons why, and they’re all true — but the biggest news for me personally is that I was let go from my day job this week. I know y’all think that being the editor in chief of nudge is just sexy parties and unlimited sliders at the Stern BBQ, but unfortunately no. It’s more like eat a cheezit with lint on it and then play some Star Wars pro.

That said, even when I have been having the week from hell, pinball has been a constant. Every morning I do my little work chores, like uPdAtInG mY lInKeDiN and shit, but every day around 4:30 I’m still at the arcade, putting in work. No days off, right?

Anyway, if you think that I’m not shameless enough to ask you for money after all that melodramatic nonsense — THEN YOU DON’T KNOW ME AT ALL, BABY. Buy our stuff, give us ya donations, buy an ad in issue 4 (still available for a limited time). Your boy gotta eat, and he’s hungry as hell.

To be serious for a second: Nudge is a great thing in my life, and something that I can turn to when things are kinda scary like this — I appreciate y’all and the community we’re creating. OK, back to reality you fucking narcs. Were you about to cry right there? GROSS.

So what are we running back this week? One of our all time classics: What’s your toxic pinball trait? Always a popular choice, but I’m also running it with ulterior motives. We wanna know:

WHAT IS YOUR TOXIC PINBALL TRAIT? EMAIL US AT NUDGEPINBALLMAGAZINE@GMAIL.COM FOR A CHANCE TO BE FEATURED IN A FUTURE ISSUE.

What’s your toxic pinball trait? 

Admitting it is the first step. Here’s what you do next.

None of us are perfect – except maybe Tom Graf. But other than that beautiful paragon of dental virtue, all of us have some kind of toxic trait that manifests in our pinball playing. It’s ok. Nobody is perfect. 

And that includes us at Nudge! Lest someone say this is Nudge moralizing – it’s not. We admit that we gotta a little bit of a shit streak in us too. We’re guilty of a lot of these. That said, we gotta believe that the world might be a better place if we curbed some of this shit. So we’ll also say what might be a better alternative. 

Saying “You got this” when you’re ahead and the person you’re playing still has a ball to play

Oh, you think you’re being sly? You think you’re gonna play that psychological warfare and none of us will realize what’s going on? OH WE GET IT BUDDY. This is some passive-aggressive midwestern shit. Stop trying to act like a friend, but getting into our heads. I mean, we get it. We’ve even been this person. The thing is? You’re setting yourself up for a no-win scenario. Either they don’t hit the score and you look like a disingenuous dick, or, well, they DO beat you – and you literally don’t win.  

What to do instead: You know, probably just say nothing. Save your “good game” until after they beat you. Then play them again AND BEAT THAT ASS. 

You secretly listen to Kaneda’s podcast

Kaneda is the clown prince of pinball. A weekly podcaster, he’s real heavy on the chaotic New York, Joker energy. Kaneda has been around for years, and in that time he’s gained a pretty substantial following from (mostly) white dudes with extensive pinball collections. Why? Well, he doesn’t pull any punches. He also plays to the camera. A lot. 

The perfect media personality for Facebook, when someone tells you they’re getting into Kaneda, it feels a little like they’re getting into Q-Anon. He likes to speak with his hands. He’s not above making fun of people for seemingly any reason that pops into his head at that particular moment. His followers will tell you that the industry hates him because he’s an outsider that speaks the truth, his detractors will say they hate him because he’s annoying and toxic. 

The truth, as with most things, is probably somewhere in the middle. Kaneda has made a lot of bad decisions. He threw a drink in someone’s face at TPF. He’s routinely starting shit with Zach Meny, Greg Bone, and his list of frenemies that seem to shift and change almost weekly. When I say WWF, I mean it. 

But also? He DOES break a lot of news… and he’s actually kinda funny. I’m gonna be real with y’all and say I listen to his Saturday Morning Spectaculars almost every week. It’s high energy and kinda just a fun soundtrack for taking a dump and hopping in the shower. Is it toxic? I think it probably kinda is, but I also enjoy myself. It’s part of my routine. In that way, Kaneda is a net positive in my life – no matter how y’all feel about him. Is that toxic? IDK, mabes. 

What to do instead: I mean, whatever. Keep on keeping on. We’re not judging. Honestly. Kaneda is a magnetic personality. But if you start to find yourself commenting too often on rando Facebook threads or getting into fights with strangers from New Jersey or Brazil – maybe put yourself in time out. Remember, every time you gaze into the abyss, the abyss gazes back at you. Mix in a Fox Cities Pinball Stream. It’s way more fun to watch pinball being played than being talked about.

You love to complain about pricing – and you’ve never bought a game. Not ever

I’m realizing a lot of these are pinned to social media, and it makes sense. There iis a lot of toxic Facebook/Pinside behavior out there. Stuff that is normalized just because everyone does it. A big one is to complain about pricing. 

I get it. Do I think that pinball prices are insane? Yeah, they are. Do I think it should be the point of every conversation about a game? No, I don’t. What a boring way to live your life. Let’s be real: the majority of us will never buy multiple pinball machines. And in that way, pinball prices really don’t matter nearly as much as you think. 

I always tell people that pinball is as expensive of a hobby as you want it to be. I play pinball every day, and only very recently did I have one in my house. I’ve played more new games than anyone I know (besides Pinball Tourist on Insta). The fact is, the prices on these games don’t mean dick to me because I’m still doing what I always do. Paying 2 for 3 to play them at my favorite arcades. 

What to do instead: Log off. Go outside? Touch grass. Repeat as needed. 

You drop tokens in games at the wrong location

This one has been brought up to me by many operators, and I gotta admit I never thought about it before. I’ve never done it, and maybe this is the wrong info to blast out there – but most tokens can work in pinball machines interchangeably between locations. Here’s the thing: doing that might save you some minor hassle of converting your money to tokens – but you’re really fucking over the location.

It’s not hard to see why. The location where you’re playing doesn’t get the money that you put in that other change machine – instead they get a bunch of useless tokens that smell like the inside of your jeans pocket. Yeah, gross. 

What to do instead: Grab tokens from the spot you’re at. Stop walking around with other random arcades’ change in your pockets. That feels weird, and dirty. You’re like some fucked up hurdy gurdy man just jing jangling your way down the sidewalk? That’s how you want to be known? Woof. 

You put drinks on games

Classic case of is the risk worth the reward? It’s not. There are better even surfaces literally within an arms length. We almost guarantee it. 

What to do instead: Uh, I dunno? Put it on a table, numbnuts?

You’re a pinball know-it-all 

I’ve definitely been guilty of this. Have you ever been in a heated argument about a designer’s best game? Have you ever laughed at someone’s strategy at league night? Have you ever tried to explain “the pinball market” to literally anyone? Then yeah, you’re a pinball-know-it-all. We get it. Pinball is exciting and there’s a lot to know. Huge learning curve. 

That said, it doesn’t look as cool as you think it does when you correct someone on who did the ruleset for Black Knight 2000. It’s reeeeeally not fun when you go on another long diatribe about how Sega games get a bad wrap because people don’t know blah blah blah. Like, you’re just going to have to trust me on this.  

What to do instead: Cut those monologues in half and your family and friend group are gonna notice the uptick in your personality. They might even let you show them the hour-long Pulp Fiction pinball STDM featurette and talk about your favorite Steve Ritchie games if you’re really, really good. 

You stand too close to people

We get it. Pinball is exciting. You’re a competitive person. You’re trying to stay in the game. But at the same time? Just – being so close that someone can feel your presence is just kind of a dick move. This isn’t about being a masker or taking a stance or anything, it’s just like – can we chill? Give me a lil’ room to breathe. 

What to do instead: Don’t stand so close. Grab a breath mint. Figure out why that smell is coming from you. 

Got more toxic behavior? Hit us up.

Seriously, email us at nudgepinballmagazine@gmail.com Tell us your secret toxic pinball behavior. This is a safe place. Really. No one is laughing over here. Not one bit. 

Next week? Back to Normal

I promise. We’re all gonna be fine.

Doc Monday

Editor in Chief, Nudge Magazine