They said we couldn't ship 300 mags AND have a new post

THEY WERE SO WRONG

Hola Goofenbachers,

Short intro this week. We’ve been shipping these mags like an MFer. If you haven’t gotten one yet, BASH THIS BUTTON AND BUY A SUB. They’re shipping now. Hot off the press.

This week? Let’s get into what ELSE goes on at pinball spots.

What Else? Ranking *Other* Stuff to Do at Pinball Spots

We all love pinball. That’s a given, but we don’t love ONLY pinball. After all, Nudge is a pinball LIFESTYLE magazine. That’s a good thing, we want to have varied interests. We wanna be renaissance people – real cultured and shit. 

Point being: most of these spaces have stuff to do BESIDES playing pinball. That’s a good thing, we don’t just wanna be weird autonomous pinball robots who go straight to the machine and never stop. Well, some days we do – but life is best when you mix it up a little bit. Put some chips and a pickle on the side of that sub sandwich, you dig?

These are the pickles and chips of pinball: ranked in order of funness/importance. Is this a definitive ranking? Abso-fucking-lutely. Get ready to have your hollow construct of life completely blown apart because NUDGE IS BACK BABY. 

1. Drinking

Ah yes, drinking. The oldest profession. Drinking booze can literally kill you, and yet it ranks number one on our list. Why? It’s what people do at most pinball spots. Litt, Electric Bat, Logan Arcade? There’s a reason these spots are bars too. Pinball and drinks are fun. Making fun of your friends and drinks are fun. Seeing who can burp the ABCs and then accidentally barfing all over the bar counter? Uh, less fun.

Point being, there’s a limit to the fun you can have on this one. Everyone has their own limit. For me, it’s three shirley temples and a diet coke – but I’m a seasoned pro. This isn’t about judging people. Know how many drinks is best for YOU. Too many and your reflexes are gonna be shot, your trash talk is gonna get sloppy, and you’ll have those weird eyes that seem like you’re just looking through everyone. 

That said, drinking is fun so go nuts (that goes double if you’re an NA mocktail kinda person. Enjoy that sugar rush, you crazy bastard)

2. Live music

The best thing about Pinbaltimore is that they’ve really pioneered the shared space situation when it comes to pinball. They have bands rocking WHILE people are slanging pinballs from the 1980s. It looks epic as hell. Do all pinball spots have live music? Obvy no, but they’re way better when they do. Electric Bat regularly has shows, LITT in Minneapolis routinely has dope DJs (that oftentimes double as the hippest bartenders in the biz), and Logan Arcade has a literal animatronic band that both rocks and is the most terrifying thing I’ve ever seen in person. 

If you’re at a spot where live music is going down, pull your headphones off for half a second and let the music take ya on your next pinball journey. That contact high is gonna payoff dividends when you start reaching mini-wizard modes. Bonus points if you let out a big plume from your vape whenever the breakdown hits. 

3. Playing other arcade games

Look, we all know arcade games are inferior to pinball. Like, hey, live in the real world guys. That said, they ARE kinda fun (I guess.) Arcade games are great for taking the edge off. Every once in a while when I’m bricking every shot in pinball, I like to go over to the Crazy Taxi and just start flying thru the streets of a fake San Francisco while The Offspring scream in my ear. It’s just how I achieve zen.

There are plenty of games to take the edge off, but maybe the best (especially with multiple homies) are beat ‘em ups. Whether you’re Leonardo or Homer, there’s something cathartic about beating the shit out of wave after wave of faceless bad guys. Just smushing their faces and punching them in the nuts and destroying their credit and and. Ima stops, you get the idea. 

4. Bowling

A common thread I’ve heard from pinballers is that they got into the hobby as a kid because their parents were in bowling leagues and pinball was the one thing at the bowling alley that held their interest. 

That belies the big negative about bowling: it takes too long. When I lived in Detroit, I was in a bowling league and I got so frickin’ tired of bowling three games every week. That said, as long as you’re not in a league, bowling can be kinda dope. Also, it can be a way to trick people who wouldn’t normally pinball with you to do it on the DL. 

Invite them to the bowling alley. Now here’s the big part: when they ask, “Isn’t there pinball there?” you say I’M NOT SURE. Don’t say no, don’t be truthful, say I’M NOT SURE. Then when you show up and there are three premium Sterns and a JJP’s pirates (shouts to Bowlero in Detroit) be like OH MY GOD, LOOK HOW LUCKY WE ARE? They might resent you, but they’ll have to play at least one. 

5. Eating

We have a whole thing coming up on the best shit to eat while you play pinball, so I’m not gonna spend too much time on this one, but this is a Wisconsin staple. Bored? Try eating. Most pinball spots have some variation on the sandwich/hotdog/burger situation. If they REALLY hate themselves and their machines, they might even have something sloppy like nachos or tacos going on. Just make sure you wash your hands before you play another round of Bone Busters, you maniac. 

6. Kiss Somebody

Got a lovely lil’ partner that needs a smooch? You can always make out by pinball machines. Sure, you might get some gawkers, but most of these folks are gonna be too passive to do much of anything. Bonus points if you kiss in front of a machine you’ve both high scored on. IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

7. Sit in the bathroom and disassociate

Sometimes it’s not your night. That means sit in the bathroom and think about every choice you’ve made that’s led you here. Yeah, you DO probably deserve that pathetic 11 mil on Avengers, but don’t let your night end there. Get back out there! In a second, after you’ve stared at the wall for another couple minutes. Yeah, that’s some GOOD disassociation. 

Next week?

More time for poor ole doc.

Doc Monday

Editor in chief, Nudge Magazine