Hola goofenbachers,
I promise you, we aren’t trying to stir the pot. I get that there’s something weird about focusing on a potentially “negative” part of the pinball experience, but toxic behavior happens. With all of us. It’s always dangerous to take an Us vs Them view of the world, because let’s be real: we all have done this shit at some point.
But also? It’s fine. No big deal. Some of it might not even really matter at all (spoiler alert: none of this really matters). And also, it’s sorta fun to read about toxic behavior.
So let it be said here: we aren’t moralizing and we aren’t admonishing. Shit, you’re going to see in a couple places where we STR8 UP ADMIT to doing some of this stuff. Does that make us any less lovable? Absolutely not. We’re still lovable as hell, and so are you. Now buy our mags plz, we almost out.
So where were we? Oh yeah.
What’s your toxic pinball trait?
Admitting it is the first step. Here’s what you do next.
None of us are perfect – except maybe Tom Graf. But other than that beautiful paragon of dental virtue, all of us have some kind of toxic trait that manifests in our pinball playing. It’s ok. Nobody is perfect.
And that includes us at Nudge! Lest someone say this is Nudge moralizing – it’s not. We admit that we gotta a little bit of a shit streak in us too. We’re guilty of a lot of these. That said, we gotta believe that the world might be a better place if we curbed some of this shit. So we’ll also say what might be a better alternative.
Saying “You got this” when you’re ahead and the person you’re playing still has a ball to play
Oh, you think you’re being sly? You think you’re gonna play that psychological warfare and none of us will realize what’s going on? OH WE GET IT BUDDY. This is some passive-aggressive midwestern shit. Stop trying to act like a friend, but getting into our heads. I mean, we get it. We’ve even been this person. The thing is? You’re setting yourself up for a no-win scenario. Either they don’t hit the score and you look like a disingenuous dick, or, well, they DO beat you – and you literally don’t win.
What to do instead: You know, probably just say nothing. Save your “good game” until after they beat you. Then play them again AND BEAT THAT ASS.
You secretly listen to Kaneda’s podcast
Kaneda is the clown prince of pinball. A weekly podcaster, he’s real heavy on the chaotic New York, Joker energy. Kaneda has been around for years, and in that time he’s gained a pretty substantial following from (mostly) white dudes with extensive pinball collections. Why? Well, he doesn’t pull any punches. He also plays to the camera. A lot.
The perfect media personality for Facebook, when someone tells you they’re getting into Kaneda, it feels a little like they’re getting into Q-Anon. He likes to speak with his hands. He’s not above making fun of people for seemingly any reason that pops into his head at that particular moment. His followers will tell you that the industry hates him because he’s an outsider that speaks the truth, his detractors will say they hate him because he’s annoying and toxic.
The truth, as with most things, is probably somewhere in the middle. Kaneda has made a lot of bad decisions. He threw a drink in someone’s face at TPF. He’s routinely starting shit with Zach Meny, Greg Bone, and his list of frenemies that seem to shift and change almost weekly. When I say WWF, I mean it.
But also? He DOES break a lot of news… and he’s actually kinda funny. I’m gonna be real with y’all and say I listen to his Saturday Morning Spectaculars almost every week. It’s high energy and kinda just a fun soundtrack for taking a dump and hopping in the shower. Is it toxic? I think it probably kinda is, but I also enjoy myself. It’s part of my routine. In that way, Kaneda is a net positive in my life – no matter how y’all feel about him. Is that toxic? IDK, mabes.
What to do instead: I mean, whatever. Keep on keeping on. We’re not judging. Honestly. Kaneda is a magnetic personality. But if you start to find yourself commenting too often on rando Facebook threads or getting into fights with strangers from New Jersey or Brazil – maybe put yourself in time out. Remember, every time you gaze into the abyss, the abyss gazes back at you. Mix in a Fox Cities Pinball Stream. It’s way more fun to watch pinball being played than being talked about.
You love to complain about pricing – and you’ve never bought a game. Not ever
I’m realizing a lot of these are pinned to social media, and it makes sense. There iis a lot of toxic Facebook/Pinside behavior out there. Stuff that is normalized just because everyone does it. A big one is to complain about pricing.
I get it. Do I think that pinball prices are insane? Yeah, they are. Do I think it should be the point of every conversation about a game? No, I don’t. What a boring way to live your life. Let’s be real: the majority of us will never buy multiple pinball machines. And in that way, pinball prices really don’t matter nearly as much as you think.
I always tell people that pinball is as expensive of a hobby as you want it to be. I play pinball every day, and only very recently did I have one in my house. I’ve played more new games than anyone I know (besides Pinball Tourist on Insta). The fact is, the prices on these games don’t mean dick to me because I’m still doing what I always do. Paying 2 for 3 to play them at my favorite arcades.
What to do instead: Log off. Go outside? Touch grass. Repeat as needed.
You drop tokens in games at the wrong location
This one has been brought up to me by many operators, and I gotta admit I never thought about it before. I’ve never done it, and maybe this is the wrong info to blast out there – but most tokens can work in pinball machines interchangeably between locations. Here’s the thing: doing that might save you some minor hassle of converting your money to tokens – but you’re really fucking over the location.
It’s not hard to see why. The location where you’re playing doesn’t get the money that you put in that other change machine – instead they get a bunch of useless tokens that smell like the inside of your jeans pocket. Yeah, gross.
What to do instead: Grab tokens from the spot you’re at. Stop walking around with other random arcades’ change in your pockets. That feels weird, and dirty. You’re like some fucked up hurdy gurdy man just jing jangling your way down the sidewalk? That’s how you want to be known? Woof.
You put drinks on games
Classic case of is the risk worth the reward? It’s not. There are better even surfaces literally within an arms length. We almost guarantee it.
What to do instead: Uh, I dunno? Put it on a table, numbnuts?
You’re a pinball know-it-all
I’ve definitely been guilty of this. Have you ever been in a heated argument about a designer’s best game? Have you ever laughed at someone’s strategy at league night? Have you ever tried to explain “the pinball market” to literally anyone? Then yeah, you’re a pinball-know-it-all. We get it. Pinball is exciting and there’s a lot to know. Huge learning curve.
That said, it doesn’t look as cool as you think it does when you correct someone on who did the ruleset for Black Knight 2000. It’s reeeeeally not fun when you go on another long diatribe about how Sega games get a bad wrap because people don’t know blah blah blah. Like, you’re just going to have to trust me on this.
What to do instead: Cut those monologues in half and your family and friend group are gonna notice the uptick in your personality. They might even let you show them the hour-long Pulp Fiction pinball STDM featurette and talk about your favorite Steve Ritchie games if you’re really, really good.
You stand too close to people
We get it. Pinball is exciting. You’re a competitive person. You’re trying to stay in the game. But at the same time? Just – being so close that someone can feel your presence is just kind of a dick move. This isn’t about being a masker or taking a stance or anything, it’s just like – can we chill? Give me a lil’ room to breathe.
What to do instead: Don’t stand so close. Grab a breath mint. Figure out why that smell is coming from you.
Got more toxic behavior? Hit us up.
Seriously, email us at nudgepinballmagazine@gmail.com Tell us your secret toxic pinball behavior. This is a safe place. Really. No one is laughing over here. Not one bit.
Next week? IDK, hopefully Kaneda doesn’t burn this place to the ground
We’ll be here. Charlotte has a story about a certain Canadian music legend and how it intertwines w her pinball life. It’s p dope and very Canadian. See y’all then. Oh yeah, buy the magazine.
Doc Monday
Editor in Chief, Nudge Magazine
The pre-bat routineer: Have you seen a batter in Major League Baseball. Before he bats he must adjust his velcro five times, touch his helmet, pat his shoulder and swing a few times before he steps up to the plat. Most common in tournament pinball. This guy does the double hand wipe on the jeans, check the board, does a few arm circles, adjust the stance then gets their face 6 inches from the plunger.
The Tourette Drainer: The involuntary %#$@(& , ($*%&, fart sucker @*#&, d#%*^, f#%*^* moon fry, piss ant, (%*%&#, corn nuts, *&%^, son of a biscuit eating monkey, &%*&$ as the ball drains.
The resurrected ghost: No one is at the machine and its on ball 2. You notice no one seems to be playing it so you step up. Woooooooooo Wooooo the ghost returns, hey I was playing that.
The double flipper paniker: A new player that feels stressed while playing. "Oh my gosh now they are two balls, oh my gosh. Whoa" I take it back I don't mind these players. At least they are having fun.
Game Hog: New game arrives at a location. You show up to try it out just to see someone has loaded 10 credits in it. We have to bring back the old school move of putting a quarter on the game to show your next up.
Headphone Poker Star: Too cool to have fun, I'm so serious.
Impress a girl on a date guy: Similar to the know it all, but being a know it all in front of your date.